How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
