Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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