somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
