Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
