You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
