There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
