in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
