I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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