no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
People in love make me want to vomit
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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