I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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