I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
