i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
