watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
