After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
4 words: hood of his car
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
