We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
