Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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