I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
