at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
