Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
