apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
