I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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