i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
