I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
