shes about as inviting as chlamydia
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
