by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
