i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no you cant smoke seaweed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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