I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
