last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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