Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
