is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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