just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sorry my hands just texted you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
