whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
