wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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