I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
