Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
