Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
