I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
