did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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