I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
