Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
