why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
