the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
