omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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