She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
