just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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