there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
