It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
