I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
