I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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