Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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