Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
