its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I CAN MOONWALK!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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